In one single moment, your whole life can turn round I stand there for a minute, staring straight into the ground. Looking to the left slightly, then looking back down. The world feels like it's caved in, proper sorry frown.
Please let me show you where we could only just be for us I can change, and I can grow, or we could adjust. The wicked thing about us is we always have trust. We can even have an open relationship if you must.
I look at her, she stares almost straight back at me But her eyes glaze over, like she's looking straight through me. Her eyes must have closed for what seems an eternity. When they open up she's looking down at her feet.
Dry your eyes mate. I know it's hard to take, but her mind has been made up. There's plenty more fish in the sea. Dry your eyes mate. I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts. But you've got to walk away now, it's over.
So then I move my hand up and down by my side. It's shaking; my life is crashing before my eyes. I turn the palm of my hand up to face the skies. Touch the bottom of her chin and let out a sigh.
'Cause I can't imagine my life without you and me. There's things I can't imagine doing. Things I can't imagine seeing. It weren't supposed to be easy, surely. Please, please, I'm begging, please.
She brings her hands up towards where my hands rested. She wraps her fingers around mine with the softness she's blessed with. She peels away my fingers, looks at me and then gestures. By pushing my hand away to my chest, from hers.
Dry your eyes mate. I know it's hard to take, but her mind has been made up. There's plenty more fish in the sea. Dry your eyes mate I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts. But you've got to walk away now, it's over.
And I'm just standing there I can't say a word. Because everything is just gone. I've got nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Trying to pull her close out of bear desperation. Put my arms around her, trying to change what she's saying. Pull my head level with hers so that she might engage in. Look in to her eyes to make her listen again.
I'm not gonna fucking just fucking leave it all now. 'Cause you said it'd be forever, and that was your vow. And your gonna let our things simply crash and fall down. You're well out of order now, this is well out of town.
She pulls away my arms, tightly clamped round her waist. Gently pushes me back as she looks at me straight. Turns around so she's now got her back to my face. Takes one step forward, looks back, then walks away.
Dry your eyes mate. I know it's hard to take, but her mind has been made up. There's plenty more fish in the sea. Dry your eyes mate. I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts. But you've got to walk away now, it's over.
I know in the past I've found it hard to say. Telling you things, but not telling straight. But the more I pull on your hand and say. The more you pull away.
Dry your eyes mate. I know it's hard to take, but her mind has been made up. There's plenty more fish in the sea. Dry your eyes mate. I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts. But you've got to walk away now.
if you recognised my voice yesterday then that was me. admittedly it was lame but yes thats me.
monologue.
she probably is on with her life, enjoying herself, has another guy, thinks and misses someone else. so what's the point of it all. i know that. and then? well so have i, im on with life, busy with quite a few things, having good laughs, trying out new people ( that sounds quite wrong ). and then? well sometimes it falls back on her thats all. and then? somethings you cant forget, unless you tell yourself its just a lie, or something like she was playing you, or something along those lines. and then? i get angry when i think about those things. spit in your face kinda anger. and i dont want to be angry. especially not with you. and then? well ill continue with this.. i mean its only been slightly under 3months not talking to seeing each other, give it more time. im not wallowing or brooding over it too much anyway so its still in a 'healthy' 'normal' level. manageable. and then? no more 'and thens'!
:) and i smile to myself as i typed that. weirdo. speak for yourself. i am, im speaking for us. i got contacts for myself finally. by degree has dropped by 25 again, at this rate, ill have good eyes in 7 to 8 years. haha. my astig has disappeared but im a lil dubious about that. oh well.
perfect10 killer combo. truly madly deeply followed by the 1st cut is the deepest followed by smooth criminal. annie are you ok... are you ok annie. quite amusing when one thinks about it. but yeah, you get the picture. french movies are good. just caught a very long engagement. gonna watch love me if you dare soon again, i like that show.
there was once i held someone close enough.. her chest was pressed on mine and i could feel her heartbeat on mine and it was sweet. it doesnt only happen in the movies you know. but thats too fucking sad now. Come away with me in the night Come away with me And I will write you a song Come away with me on a bus Come away where they can’t stand us With their lies And I wanna walk with you On a cloudy day In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high So won’t you try to come Come away with me and we’ll kiss On a mountain top Come away with me And I’ll never stop loving you I wanna wake up with the rain Falling on a tin roof While I’m safe there in your arms So all I ask is for you To come away with me in the night Come away with me
as an individual i am fine. as an individual that is. i gotta admit, not seeing and talking to a person can do wonders, as much as i think that it isnt the best way because things would eventually catch up on a person.
get a load of this: my cute lil cousin grabbed me by the finger (her hands were too small to hold mine) when i was over at her place.. she said she wanted to show me smtg.. and ran me to her room. went on her bed. did a forward roll.. laughed and said she could do it backward too and ran out of the room screaming in glee. how adorable can that be. and i think she is gonna grow up to be a pretty young girl. i like pretty children. i hope i get pretty children too. haha.
just had a senior junior gathering with the cross people not too long ago. truth or dare was fun.. it did not reach the kinda level that i would deem crazy enough for me but kudos to the seniors for being so garang lol. i also found out by a 'truth' how small this world can be. one of your friend's ex's is my junior. then came the question that ran round the table.. what was the happiest moment in your life. and in a very paradoxical way, i said rather sadly that it was waiting for months on end and eventually getting to see you. 10 things i hate abt you? i hate it when you didn't tell me you were back when you were. evil.
im wheezing. i realised i've grown to appreciate 2 things that i never really noticed b4. when i wake up in the early morning to go to work and i take that walk to the bus stop.. how fresh and nice the morning breeze is. and when i walk back home at night from the mrt, how soothing the night air can be. damn those farmers. this haze is depriving me of my joy. perhaps one day i will fly away to a countryside..
my ipod mini got stolen from my locker. some bastard must have picked the lock. now im set back by another 400 bucks. not including the money i would spent on another ipod, probably the 20gig one.. i wanted to give my sis the mini and get the bigger capacity one anyway.. so sadly, my sis wont get her mini. the aftermath, now my locker door has lots of dents and my knuckles are bruised.
its not the alcohol. i cant stop having dreams of you for the past few nights. ill wait and see tonight again.
a simple game of touch rugby at night with your cousins can be so fun. we played in our boxers cuz we were all too nicely dressed up for visiting. getting tackled by trees and laughing our heads on when someone got tackled to the ground by a small tree giving the other team a touchdown, coming up with crazy moves to outwit one another. rolling on the grass and getting itchy all over. now thats fun.
my heartbeat. Excerpt number 1.
fairies.
when the 1st baby laughed for the 1st time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about. and that was the beginning of fairies. and now when every new baby is born, its first laugh becomes a fairy. so there ought to be a fairy for every child.
ought to be?
everytime a child says 'i don't believe in fairies' there is a fairy somewhere that falls down dead.
do you believe in fairies?
yes i do.
i've got a green one.
my heartbeat. Excerpt number 2.
where did she go.
she went to neverland. and can visit her anytime you like. if you just go there yourself.
how?
by believing peter. just believe.
i can see her.
my heartbeat. Excerpt number 3.
i'm sorry i was so horrible. it's just, i thought she'd always be here.
so did i. but in fact she is, because she is on every page of your imagination. you'd always have her there. always
but why did she have to die?
i don't know.
you go watch finding neverland and tell me why it speaks to me. why i appreciate it so much. its beautiful. not many things can achieve the state of 'beautiful' for me.
after the 2nd screening i watched, i told my date how much i liked it.
she said. is it because you think you are peter.
now thats a thought.
That's absurd, it's just a dog. Just a dog? Just a dog? It's like saying 'He can't climb the mountain, he's just a man' or 'That's not a diamond, it's just a rock. Just.'"
i discovered 2 talents i have now. i somehow learnt how to dance. and i can do a nice runway catwalk. cool huh. nope, im not gay.
if i study overseas i so will get a jacket from zara. perhaps the leather one. it would be 600 bucks well spent. and british india has nice clothes. ill show u guys one day, if i can afford it that is.
whatever you leave behind catches up on you.
i want to blog but for 1 week i have been so incredibly lazy.
i want a porsche boxster s. i really really want it. its everything i want in a car except the cool hood of the slk. ooh. 1st things 1st. i shall promise to take and pass the driving theories before my birthday. and pass practical by the end of the year. and then can i have my boxster S.. can i can i can i. pls God. Gosh im soon to be 20. and when i think of the things i wanna do, especially after my ns, i've come to a conclusion that a 24hr day is far too short. far too short. i really have to start planning and prioritising, certain things have to go as much as i'd like to do them. thats life. compromising within yourself to achieve maximum balance. and i havent even factored in a girlfriend yet.. to tell u the truth, i want to be with somebody again. the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and to be loved in return. and you, you have become a green fairy to me. a hallucination. a neat trick i discovered by chance is that if i drink alcohol before sleeping ill have dreams of you..
alcohol is getting rather appealing to me, dont get me wrong, im not a drunk, i jez really am beginning to like it. whats more i have liberal parents, after dinner i just grab a glass of baileys or vodka with coke and ask if my parents want any. i need to stock up on alcohol. baileys, port, ice wine, reds, whites, vodka kurrant... absinthe.
there is this condominium near my place that is 65% constructed. its just the concrete frame, stairs, no windows. i walked past it at 4am in the morning recently. its really cool, i wanna bring you there, climb up to the roof by the stairs.. hang out with champagne and strawberries. yes ky we would do the beach thing soon.
i think jaq anne french is really really pretty. hmm if only i could date her..
on a more serious note. i gotta check out the possibities of applying and gaining acceptance in oxford or harvard. seriously. i would love to go to either one of those universities if given a chance so might as well give it a shot. psych or econs these are the subjects im interested in.
Please, please forgive me
But I won't be home again
Maybe someday you'll look up
And barely conscious, you'll say to no one
Isn't something missing
You won't cry for my absence I know
You forgot me long ago
Am I that unimportant
Am I so insignificant
Isn't something missing
Isn't someone missing me
Even though I'm the sacrifice
You won't try for me, not now
Though I'd die to know you love me
I'm all alone
Isn't someone missing me
Please, please forgive me
But I won't be home again
I know what you do to yourself
I breathe deep and cry out
Isn't something missing
Even though I'm the sacrifice
You won't try for me, not now
Though I'd die to know you love me
I'm all alone
Isn't someone missing me