just a thought: you are not fat till someone offers you a seat on the mrt because he thinks you are pregnant. If there is one thing I dislike doing its the laundry. is rather irritating when its my turn to do it.. all the hanging and the folding. 6 people can wear lotsa clothes. no, 6 people can wear a shitload of underwear.. really. In the course of hanging underwear i decided i really had to get new underwear, i just have to get abt to doin it and find the kind I want. but yeah.. hey christmas is coming so maybe you guys can get underwear for suen. jokes. I started running again after 2 weeks, which is good, did 12k in the morning, seriously didnt feel like getting out of bed. joined the juniors, ac cross team, and guess what, none of the cross guys came.. there were like 8 girls or more. what a team. it was so damn sunny when i ran from acjc to smu to saint margs back to acjc. clear skies.. i tell you its been raining so much and just for that few hours it shines like nuts. conspiracy. i tell u the weather is going crazy. hot cold hot cold.
some random things: im turning whiter cuz of the lack of sun. hmm someone did not believe that my hair is not dyed. I bumped into stacey into town today, she is getting prettier everytime i see her. perhaps marriage does something to a person.. mr ang is a lucky guy. i really dunno what to expect when i see you again. im on night shift tonight at one of the suckiest posts.. its so ulu. cargo pass office. nursing a breakout again.. must be the backlash of the last depressing 2 weeks.. well im better now. my speech is littered with "siahs" and "sia las", its the police i tell you. my sis is talking loudly in the next room now. i discovered she is going through her shakespeare. im getting a PR in new zealand, cause my parents are getting it and it wont hurt for me to get it too, more opportunities i guess. nope im not gonna migrate yet, its not like that. im just getting the PR since im eligible for it. some girls are just flirty sluts, cant stand them. some just need to be around guys all the time. i just managed to claim 24 extra hours from work.. that means an extra 2 days of leave for me, whoopee. my watch officer rocks.
i want to tell you that you can trigger alot of the pleasures in me. you can induce alot of pleasure. you can satiate me effortlessly. you have that ability. its special, its almost like some superpower you have. and you can do it with such ease, a look in the eyes, a touch on the shoulder. a breath. let alone a kiss. like whoa. my entire mood can change from bored to downright jumpy and happy with just one word. im not exaggerating. one word. it has happened before.
The Way She Came Into The Place. I Knew Right Then And There. There Was Something Different About This Girl. The Way She Moved, Her Hair, Her Face, Her Lines, Divinity In Motion.... As She Stalked The Room I Could Feel The Aura Of Her Presence. The Girl Was Bad. The Girl Was Dangerous.
mj rocks. you should see him go right after those lines. divinity in motion.
i have burnt out. im down. havent ran in a week. and its not just training.. i can't run from certain things anymore. they have caught up on me and now are giving me a hell of a time. but im surviving. i miss you, i really want to see you, i don't care about everything and anything that has happened.
im gonna revoke part of the theory i made earlier that individualism can exist in a couple. i mean you will retain your individuality but technically you are one flesh. for this reason, a man would leave his father and mother and will be united with his wife in one flesh. gen 2:24. was reading thru genesis the other day. basically thats how special a marriage should be... its like the woman is part of that man. how eve was part of adam, and they from a perfect one flesh when united. it sorta like changed my paradigm abit somehow.
On the issue of money. its written in the bible that where your treasures are, there your heart will be. Someone said to me that it is easy to tell what or who is important in your life by the way you manage your money. It kinda struck me. am i self centered and selfish. who do i spend my money on at this moment. is it always for me, for MY luxury, save for MY enjoyment. for the record,i spent money on you willingly. take a look at all your finances it will be interesting to see how its being managed. How much of it goes to God. How important is God, tithes and offerings.
Financial freedom is the concept i have now. where you can acknowlege that the money aint yours, you are a steward to it. how faithful are you. there is so much i want to say on this, so many personal stories i have that touched me.. instances of people who do not hold on to thier assets but give them with such freedom and honour. its so hard to explain here what im feeling and going through now with respect to financial freedom. when any of you see me perhaps ask and ill share.
there is a story i have with me that is written down. the form of that piece of prose is that of a diary or journal, this is to show the dimension of time. whether its a work of fiction or not is another matter but its a story i want to tell. perhaps in my next entry. the only reason why its not posted yet is that im afraid to hurt you. and no, its not how you think it is. it is not a happy story, it is a sad one.
Have you ever felt that you do not want to sleep because your afraid to dream? i have never felt like that till this week. A friend of mine whom i met yesterday said i should get therapy lol, i wonder if she was jokin or not. but a therapist would be quite fun if you think about it.
I ain't pointing fingers ma, i just wanna call again See how ya day going I know they stressin on ya I know them times get hard that's why I'm checkin on ya It's yours truly ma, I got little message for ya Anything he can do, girl I can do better for ya Cause When we laugh or we cry it's together Through the rain and the stormiest weather We gon still be as one it's forever, it's forever Won't you come on and go with me (oh girl) Come on over to my place Won't you sit ya self down and take a seat and let me ease ya mind girl We gon do it our way (our way)
i woke up this morning and realised in the hardest way that i really miss waking up to you, to your arms across my body as you lie asleep, to the softness of your cheeks and lips, most of all to that sleepy eyed smiled when you wake to see me there.
'You know I fucked her, don't you?'
'I don't think so, Josh. When did that happen? When I went to the bathroom at your engagement party? I know you're a bit quick, but this is ridiculous.'
'Not Jackie, Rose.'
For a moment I can't think. And the moment seems to drag on. I still can't think. What is he telling me?
'My Rose?'
' Your Rose,' he snorts. 'She wasn't always your rose, you fucking peasant.'
'Don't joke about her. I mean it Josh'
' I'm not joking, old sport. I'm telling you that I fucked her. Quite a few times. Not that she was very good. Always a bit too keen on the hearts and the moonlight, our Rose. Just before you came along with the fucking goo-goo eyes and bunches of flowers and romantic rides on the bloody star ferry.'
'You're a liar.'
'I even fucked her on the day you met her. my falt. Mid- levels. About six o'clock. Then we caught a cab down to Central for a few drinks at the Mandarin. You didn't know that , did you? Never got round to telling you, did she?' He puffs away at his cigar. 'Yeah, we were having a little office fling until you arrived. didn't last long. a month or so. You did me a favour really, taking her off my hands.'
I am off the bar stool and have my hands wrapped around his throat befire he can remove the cigar from his mouth. then I'm shouting he is a liar, even though I know that he is not, and his face is turning red, his eyes burning up at me like the end of his expensive cigar.
I don't hate it that he slept with her. I hate it that he didn't love her.
I also woke up feeling tired. my entire body exhausted, my mind spent. I went for a swim at a nearby pool and my muscles just were tired and used. like a log, a zombie. And I'm going for a long run later. what am i doing to myself..
michael jackson is way cool. respect.
Another day has gone I'm still all alone How could this be You're not here with me You never said goodbye Someone tell me why Did you have to go And leave my world so cold Everyday I sit and ask myself How did love slip away Something whispers in my ear and says That you are not alone For I am here with you Though you're far away I am here to stay But you are not alone For I am here with you Though we're far apart You're always in my heart But you are not alone Just the other night I thought I heard you cry Asking me to come And hold you in my arms I can hear your prayers Your burdens I will bear But first I need your hand Then forever can begin..
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I’ve kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they've played
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past
Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
Is so much simpler than change..
one human being can never understand another.
individualism in couples is possible.
2 stands.
The airport is awash with real emotion today. Lovers are saying goodbye and being reunited. Families are separating and coming back together. There are lots of hugs and laughter and tears. The departure gate is pretty interesting but the arrivals hall is even better, because you can't do it in your own time at arrivals. You can't decide when its time to say hello in quite the same way that you can decide it's time to say goodbye. Hello just happens. The people anxiously waiting for someone don't know when that face is suddenly going to appear before them, slowly pushing a trolley, smiling though jet lag, ready for a kiss and a cuddle, ready to begin again ~ tony parson, one for my baby.
And that is stand number 3 if you can sift the main point out of that.
i work at the airport. so there. thats how it is.. my hypothesis: the airport takes people to different realities. it also brings back people from seperate realities back to the same reality. look, i have a friend, friend goes overseas.. thats it.. transported to another dimension. In my present reality i.e singapore all i do, psyshologically, is play with the reality i had of that person in my mind. as i talk to the person i will form a reality of that friend's new dimension but all those are filled with tons of discrepancies. therefore what the hell is my conclusion? nil. just a stray thought. hence this is standless number 4.
tears in a shower. certain thoughts i self inflict to injure myself. realities i conjure. realities within me breaking out. read a lil travel section on a mag.. bangkok.. venice..i always wanted to go with you. after some of our commitments have passed.
I do not want to be with someone because i need to. not so much of that. more of because i want to. i dun really think you need me, and if i think abt it i dun need you either. but thats not the point.
so i went to cold storage at terminal 2 during work last night.. and i passed the sweet section. i saw a pack of starburst candies and it started to catch up on me b4 i could run. i let it catch up anyway for that matter. I came to realise and appreciate something just then. well its never too late. i thought it was very sweet how you always bought me little somethings everywhere you went and gave them to me. from gummies to icecream sticks to shirts and so on..you know what you got me. Its like everywhere you went you brought me along with you.. i was in your thoughts.. in your heart. no matter the distance. it felt warm thinking of it like that. i bet you still can make me feel the way i did even now.. just that now, you are far away and i dont really know where you are or what you feel. oh i just want to be close once again. ok suen. thats enough for today. time to fucking sprint your ass off. sprint.
my running has taken a good turn. i am more sensitive to my knees and am able to take the neccesary precautions and remedies to keep them in running shape. and im getting fitter again. ready to race. race. i love to compete, someone told me the other day that its probably why i do so well in races, because i love to race. i like even the fear in your gut before a race. every single moment rearing up to the race and every step of the race i love. the more intense the competition the better i feel, the better i perform. same goes to even my studies. i guess thats just me as a person. suen.
will you be there on the 5th of december to watch me race? i wont disappoint.
The victoria secrets fashion show was no joke. The outfits, the bodies, the atmosphere. everything from the chaos backstage to the cool walks on the runway was just sexy and hot. ooh.
its gonna sound really vain- i dont like my newly cut hair.
watched jersey girl and saved today.. not bad la huh. but saved had a few tweaks. not fantastic shows but they do pass the time. maybe ill watched i-spy at work tonight. heh. i have a cold and runny nose tagging along with me these 3 days already..its very irritating. i stayed at home the entired day today.. gonna work the night shift later though.
thats all im gonna blog today. nothing else to say. i've been at home the whole day. thought alot. ran alot. feel alot. want alot.
I got no time for the corner boys
Down in the street making all that noise
don't want no whores on the avenue
`Cause tonight I wanna be with you
Tonight I'm gonna take that ride
Across the river to the Jersey side
Take my baby to the carnival
And I'll take her on all the rides
`Cause down the shore everything's all right
You and your baby on a Saturday night
You know all my dreams come true
When I'm walking down the street with you
....I'm in love with a Jersey girl
You know she thrills me with all her charms
When I'm wrapped up in my baby's arms
My little girl gives me everything
I know that some day she'll wear my ring
So don't bother me man I ain't got no time
I'm on my way to see that girl of mine
`Cause nothing matters in this whole wide world
...When you're in love with a Jersey girl...
I see you on the street and you look so tired
I know that job you got leaves you so uninspired
When I come by to take you out to eat
You're lyin' all dressed up on the bed baby fast asleep
Go in the bathroom and put your makeup on
We're gonna take that little brat of yours and drop her off at your mom's
I know a place where the dancing's free
Now baby won't you come with me
`Cause down the shore everything's all right
You and your baby on a Saturday night
Nothing matters in this whole wide world
When you're in love with a Jersey girl
i can swim better now. but only the breaststroke.. well ill try to head down to a pool once a week, good for cardiovascular workout and keeps you skin a healthy colour too.. i need swimming trunks..those brief like ones.. my old ones give a yucky tan line and its fraying anyway. my face is clearing up too. yay.
i always hate my hairstyle when i just get it cut.. it was so nice b4.. i like that length, but hey gotta remember im still in ns. argh my hair is too thin now, remind me to tell them not to thin it too much the next time i go for a haircut which is next month.
gotta be careful with my right leg.. no more overstraining it..which means soccer after training is a big nono.
another week has passed. weeks just roll by one by one. before i know it, im watching the next episode of the oc again. funny, thats sorta like my marker for one week. everytime i watch it ill be like "oh, a week has passed." can anyone else in this world caused more hurt and happiness than you can.. i really wanna know. i cant imagine anything more than what im put through, but a gut feeling tells me there is gonna be worst. how pessimistic. but hey, it also means there is gonna be better. the high does not come with the low.
i lost my handphone. argh. got it replaced with a second hand z200 there goes my savings for this month, together with the new shoes i bought. well the phone serves its purpose and looks good so although its kinda sucky, ill have to stick with it for the rest of my ns life. i went to zouk that night, too crowded, your friends were there, but you werent in the picture. next day, walked passed rendezvous, smelled your perfume at the busstop outside the hotel. sometimes one cant run and hide all the time. it catches up. gosh i wonder how you are, how you feel, who are you now.. and so much more i wonder. i can only wonder. and dream. lets not forget dreams. till perhaps we meet again. perhaps. nothing is confirmed. its been roughly 4 months god how time flies.. i cant seem to get something off my lips still. i wanna hug. i wanna give a hug. i wanna smile from the inside once again. i hope i do when i see you. i really hope i dont cringe and run.. it will be so tragic.
i wanted a specific bible verse from psalms so i asked God for a number, there are 150 psalms and i know what i wanted but i did not know where to find it. first number was 53, nope not there, second number was 67, uh uh. i told God.. last number. 84. and bingo.
Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca (valley of tears), they make it a spring; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength till each appears before God in Zion. Hear my prayer... Look upon our shield, O God; look with favour on your anointed one... blessed is the man who trusts in you.
i mean im not a study freak or a crazy mugger of sorts. dun get me wrong. my last day shift. i spent 8 hours reading a mother thick psychology textbook..and i din manage to finish it. rather interesting. i might just end up taking psyche. see how socio goes along.. might pick up another textbook after im done with "introduction to psychology".
Social penetration: both liking and early infatuation can move toward greater closeness and intimacy through the process of social pentration.
Social penetration has both breadth and depth.
Breadth is the number of different areas of the partner's lives and personalities that are involved in a relationship.
Depth is the degree in which partners know and share things that are close to the cores of their personalities- fears, anxieties, uncertainties, hopes and the like.
run.run.run.
On zuckerman's Sensation Seeking Scale or SSS you will be so high up there sometimes you gotta draw the line when it becomes reckless, irresponsible and stupid. balance.
there is still ringing in my ears. never b4 have a gotten so nicely high and the company was great too... but after 3am tiredness kicked in and all the fun dissipated. bleagh. and the songs got better after that.. what a pity.
hmm i dunno how am i ever gonna meet you again. seriously. but breathe the past fuel the future, put it aside. tts a good way. thanks.